'Zat you, Brian Setzer!

I am crazy about Christmas music in general, but this is one of my favorite tunes to dance to. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

Time Well Spent

Yes, I had about a million things to do this weekend, but sometimes you have to say screw it to laundry, homework, and grocery shopping and do things that will mean more than checking off a to-do list.

And if a homemade cappuccino and giving the dead plant museum on my scrubby-looking patio a bit of a boost with some perky new flowers and once over with a stiff broom means that the dishes don't get washed until tomorrow...well, is that really the end of the world?

Okay, don't pose that question to my mother, but really? Outside of childbirth, jail, an audit or a funeral, just about everything can be rescheduled when you decide that today is the day when you just shut the door on the chaos inside and enjoy the sun.

Holiday Happy!

Okay, it took me a couple of times to get it:



Holiday...cheer! Clever!

"Natural Fake...WHAAAT???!!"

Even adults have teachable moments. Today's lesson: Listening Skills

Fall has brought about my faithful return to morning sports radio, so I am getting to hear more commercials that you just don't hear anywhere else.

My coffee spit take today was brought to you courtesy of a Bud Light spot hawking tailgate merch. As I took my first sip, I was positive I heard the pitchman ecstatically touting the benefits of a "Natural Fake BREAST Can Coozy."

What the hell? They wouldn't...They couldn't possibly... I ran to the computer, already composing an invective-filled rant to send to Budweiser. Of course, when I got to the site, I found this:

No ta-tas. Nothing fake that you can't see any given Sunday on the football field. Now, I am wondering. Is this little mistake just a function of my damaged hearing from too many years of portable music. Or was this a deliberate audio mix designed to present the kind of ambiguity that would send salivating men and outraged women cruising over the the site, in the hopes that once there, humor, embarrassment or a need to drink heavily while you support your fave team will loosen some tight wallets? Who can say?

80's music - Part 1

I just love how they refer to the music of my youth as "oldies." Ungrateful little basterds. If there was no Cyndi Lauper, there would be no Miley Cyrus, punks. Hmmm...on the other hand...maybe we should apologize for that one.

At any rate, I was listening today to a precursor of Cake...Nails' "88 Lines About 44 Women." Still love the beat, but for some reason the lyrics make me a little sad now. Enjoy.

Don't get me wrong. I like online dating sites. I never have much luck meeting men, but they are entertaining as hell. What I can't figure out is why would anyone under the age of 30 need one? The world is pretty much set up for youth to meet up and pair off.

Anyway, I am posting this little exchange from my online life today. I will not be posting the handle of the boy (yes I do mean boy...he's 20, for lord's sake), because there is no such thing as a secret on the internet, and I would hate for this to come back and bite him in the ass in 15 years when he's running for Senate or something. Just a bit of setup...this is from OKCupid. The pertinent facts from his profile: he's 20, he is still a virgin, and apparently not at all upset by this state of affairs. I'm not even going to comment beyond my reply. Just read, and absorb all the implications for life, the universe and a society circling the drain.

young man looking for a sexy mature woman, like yourself, to lay down and pleasure however she wants for however long she wants, essentially a pleasure slave of sorts.

I have a thing for mature women, and this is my dream.

Make a young man's dream come true?

What does one say to such an elegant invitation? Read on...

First of all...ick.

Second of all, if you knew anything about women, you'd know that if you are trying to land an older woman, the trick is to make her feel young, not "mature."

Lastly, don't believe everything you see on TV or read in Maxim magazine. Most women are appalled by the idea of being a "cougar."

As for myself, if I wanted a child, I'd be adopting one, not trying to sleep with one. That's just creepy. (And for the record, I think it is equally as creepy when a 40 year old man sleeps with a woman of 20, too.)

PS - if you had the strength of character to still be a virgin at 20, then why would you want to throw it away on some freaky online encounter? You think it will be thrilling or something, but I guarantee you're just going to wind up disappointed and with a story you'll be too embarrassed to tell if it comes up in bar conversation with your buddies or later pillow talk with your real future girlfriend or wife. You are 20. Go to bars, chat up girls (and I do mean GIRLS) at school, flirt with them at the grocery, at the laundry, in line at the movies, and the coffee shop. Eventually you will meet one who engages your mind as well as your nether regions. Sleep with her. Not some woman you met on OK Cupid.

What would you do?

Even people who never spend a cent on the lottery have had that winner's fantasy. So the AJC, in a startling piece of journalism, decided to ask readers to post online what they would do if the won. My favorite answer was from a very prudent reader, who said she would "Disappear." Sounds so much better than my heartfelt noodling on the subject:

I would obviously pay off all my debts and then set up my mother with enough money so that she never again have to even look at her checkbook before buying the tacky china patterns, or pretty dresses that she loves so much. I’d set up unbreakable trusts for my cousin’s kids so that they will never have to worry about their loser fathers coming after their cash and there would be enough when they hit adulthood to go to any school they wanted. Hire a contractor to repair and remodel my grandmother’s house for her, even though she will complain she doesn’t want it. I’d send my other cousin who is in grad school in CA enough money to finish her education without assistance and to let her treat her pals to all the sushi and expensive coffee drinks it will take to get her through her masters degree. Treat 6 lifelong friends to any trinkets their hearts desired. I’d finish paying for my classes, buy myself a new car, and then I would add up all the money I have collected on unemployment, go down to the agency and pick out a nice single mom who is struggling off the bus with her kid and hand her a check and the keys and title to my former car (after I have had it completely repaired and painted of course). Then I would spend the rest of my time just traveling and taking classes in anything that interested me. That would be the life! Just be a student for the rest of my life. Cooking classes in Italy, stunt driving school in California, film classes at UCLA, language immersion classes in Mexico or Spain! Just drift and fill up my head.

I am such a wonk. But it's a nice dream. :)